Movie Meltdown: It’s the Pumpkin Spice of Horror
As the daylight starts to slip away… we gather together for a grand discussion on all things horror… and sort-of horror… and Halloween and of course – pumpkin-spiced. And as we kick off the season by seeing how many Smarties we can eat, we also bring up… the slow retail shuffle, A Quiet Place, Hereditary, folk horror, The Mummy, Runaway, monster in the woods, mariachi band of the undead, Brazil, the last great epic Francis Ford Coppola movie, a cornucopia of underwear, a 70s light show in his dungeon, There’s a Ghost in my Bathroom, the dime store version of Johnny Depp, Mindhorn, yellow #5 vs yellow #2, The VVitch, Mother!, Digital Underground, The Rockford Files, you know… I’ve gotta say… it’s just action-packed gore and… stupid, Bad Ronald, Nothing but Trouble, and by good she means it’s so awful it’s funny, the horror of William Shatner’s mustache, squirrel funerals, Gary Oldman, patience is a virtue… when you’re a murderer, Clue, Beyond the Black Rainbow, unleashed from the sarcophagus, Arthur C. Clarke’s Mysterious Universe, Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy, Dynasty, 80s martial artist sci-fi crossovers, waist-to-pant ratio, Columbo, our march toward Halloween, Keanu Reeves, The Holy Mountain, people complaining about being old… in space, the Universal monster movies, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, reading the tea leaves of technology, Housebound, a crafty cryptid, the original Friday the 13th vs. Saw, Splitting Up Together, Tom Cruise vs. Brendan Fraser, The Blair Witch Project on crack, the dialogue wasn’t stupid – it was just moronic, commerce zombies, The Bashful Bladder, The Love Boat, The Innkeepers, watching Blue Velvet as a child, Jack Ryan, The Quiet Earth, limited edition everything, you just need to stock up on red shirts, polyester pumpkin, Santa Sangre, a failed Fruit of the Loom character, Hardcore Henry, I just wanna watch things blow up, everything revolves around Bourbon and vanilla unicorn chalk.
“…it definitely has a mood. But ultimately the movie makes no sense to me whatsoever and is very anticlimactic.”